


I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me

by orphan_account



Series: Multiamory March 2016 [18]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Multiamory March
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Multiamory March Day 18.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me

Natasha is all too aware that the killing machine is still within her, and with the right word, it could come out at any moment. It disturbs her more than anything that there is the possibility she can be turned on and off like a light switch, even if the people who knew those specific words might not exist anymore. At some point, though, they’ll be found again. Natasha knows she won’t get peace forever, and she doesn’t deserve it either. 

_ I am a monstrosity.  _ It’s a thought that constantly circles in her brain, especially when she looks at Maria and Pepper. The two of them aren’t without flaws, but they are so very, very human. Biologically, Natasha is human too, but it’s rare that she ever actually feels that way. She was raised to be a machine, and it stuck, even though she’s made progress. 

She doesn’t even realize she’s giving the two of them a thousand yard stare until Maria waves her hand in front of her face. She’s gotten too wrapped up in her thoughts again, and she jolts herself back to attention. Those thoughts are always on her mind, but sometimes she gets completely lost in them. 

“You okay, Nat?” Maria asks, and Natasha’s first instinct is to lie, to nod. But she doesn’t, and shakes her head instead. Pepper and Maria’s hands find hers, and she holds onto them like anchors. 

“Went too far back in the archives,” Natasha jokes, although it falls flat and her voice is weak. “I’ll be okay.” This has happened before, and Natasha knows she just need to ride it out until she can shove the  _ I’m a monster _ thoughts into the back of her brain again.

When she’s like this, it feels like Maria and Pepper are taking mercy on a feral animal, but she’s grateful for it all the same. Their touch reminds her that there’s something human left in her, even if she doesn’t believe it all the time. There has to be  _ something  _ there for them to love, because Natasha will never doubt that both of them love her. 

They let Natasha sit in the quiet after that, but Pepper leans over to give her a kiss, followed by Maria. She settles back into their embrace, and within her, the monster’s terror and fury slowly fades away, love blooming in its place. 

 


End file.
